My Chinese Family 我的中国家庭

In the past ten years, I have traveled to quite a few different places in China and gained many valuable experiences, seeing a variety of new places and tasting a plethora of different cuisines. Yet the most valuable experience for me has been meeting one of my best friends, Katharine (冯静), and gaining a Chinese family. Her grandmother calls me “我的美国孙女,” or “my Chinese granddaughter,” and I am treated like family when I go to visit.

Family photo from around 10 years ago.

Every time I come to China, I make sure to go with Katharine to her hometown in Zhengzhou (郑州，capital of Henan province in central China) to visit her grandparents (Yeye 爷爷 and Nainai 奶奶, paternal side), mother, and father. Katharine’s extended family all lives in Zhengzhou, so I have met her father’s two sisters and their husbands, her cousins, and her cousins’ children, as well as relatives on her mother’s side of the family. Most of Katharine’s dad’s family will come over to visit when I am in town, and there is usually a karaoke outing involved at some point in time as well! The most I got to see Katharine’s family was when I had the privilege of visiting during Chinese New Year – it was a week of non-stop family visits, eating, and red packets (红包)  – even though I was 22 at the time, I still received red packets with money from all Katharine’s relatives! Yeye and Nainai love to watch the CCTV New Years gala, so on New Year’s Eve we watched the extravagant festivities while making dumplings.

My husband and I with Yeye, Nainai, Katharine, and Katharine’s mother and aunt.

There are certain aspects of Chinese life I have learned about from staying with Katharine and her family that I would have not learned otherwise. For instance, I always need to wear slippers in the house, and socks in the winter – otherwise Nainai will scold me. Before bed at night in the wintertime, it is common to wash and soak one’s feet in hot water, and one showers less often then. There is never cold water – it is always boiled. You fold up your blanket (usually a duvet) and put it at the end of the bed in the morning rather than spreading it out over the bed. You must always wear enough clothes indoors – when my husband visited with me last week, Nainai continued to fuss over him because he was only wearing a T-shirt. Most importantly, as a guest in a Chinese home, you cannot do anything to help clean up – if I tried to clear dishes or wash anything, I would immediately be met with a round of protests. You will not be able to pay for anything either – even among family members, people fight over the bill.

Regarding eating habits, breakfast is often leftovers from dinner the previous night. Unlike in the United States, it is usual to share a variety of dishes that are put in the center of the table – one only has a small individual plate, and continuously picks up food with chopsticks from different dishes. Drinking shots of Chinese liquor (白酒, baijiu) is common – when you toast, though, it is a sight of respect to lower your cup below that of your toasting partners. Yeye particularly likes to take shots with guests. Coffee, although becoming more popular among millenials, is not found in most homes (unfortunately).  Also, Nainai will never be convinced that you are full. One of my first impressions of visiting Katharine’s family was Nainai continuously putting food on my plate, saying “你吃得太少了，多吃一点儿吧!” (you haven’t eaten enough – eat more!). Nainai also always sends me away with more food then I can properly carry!

Yeye and Nainai when they got married – Katharine’s grandmother was 18, and grandfather was 20.

Zhengzhou is not a very touristy city, but is quite large – it has over 7 million people, and is growing both demographically and economically. Historically, it was the capital of China’s ancient Shang Dynasty, and is not far from Kaifeng, which was the capital of the prosperous Song Dynasty. As Katharine’s dad explained to me, Zhengzhou historically has been and continues to be a very important railroad center for China – railroads going North and South, East and West all traverse the city (in that sense, it is rather like the Chinese equivalent of Chicago). In homes in Zhengzhou, the local dialect, called Henanhua (河南话，which literally means “Henan speech”) is spoken, although children all learn standard Mandarin (普通话，putonghua) in school. Luckily for me, although the tones are a bit different and the slang is unique, Henanhua is one of the closer dialects to standard Mandarin, so I can pick out most of it. Katharine’s parents and grandma can speak standard Mandarin, but Nainai prefers to speak to me in Henanhua!

 

My husband and I with Nainai.

One of my favorite places in Zhengzhou is the park near Katharine’s home, Renmin Gongyuan (人民公园，or People’s Park – there is a park of this name in most Chinese cities). Originally built in 1951, it boasts an array of amusement park rides and facilities, including a water park and ferris wheel, as well as many garden areas, walking paths, and exercise grounds (with unique Chinese exercise machines). Many people gather at the park to socialize and exercise, so during the day it is usually quite crowded. You will see many groups dancing to different music styles from blaring stereos, as well as pairs or small groups practicing badminton or jianzi (剪子，kind of like Chinese hackey-sack). I played quite a bit of badminton in the park, and was introduced to jianzi – although my soccer experience came in handy, it took a bit of time to get used to.

Part of the staged cavalry battle at Qing Ming Shang He Yuan.

This week, I was able to bring my husband to Zhengzhou for the first time and introduce him to the whole family. Although Dillon doesn’t speak much Chinese, that did not prevent him from having a lot of fun with the family and trying many delicious local dishes. We traveled for about an hour and a half to visit Kaifeng’s Qing Ming Shang He Yuan (清明上河园), a historical amusement park. As detailed above, Kaifeng was one of China’s ancient capitals – it was the capital of about 7 different dynasties, including the Song. There is a Song Dynasty scroll painting that is considered the longest painting in China – the painting details the daily activities of different sectors of people, and it is the best clue historians have into life at the time. The amusement park is modeled around interpretations of the scroll and includes costumed actors in Song-style garb, tasty treats, and a variety of different performances, including reenactments of a cavalry battle and a naval battle.

The park entrance by night.

As always, I was sad to leave Zhengzhou, as I know it may be a year or so before I can see my Chinese family again. But at least there is Skype, WeChat, and other modes of instant communication now. Plus, we will need to come back for Katharine’s wedding sooner or later!